It is a process where each side has the opportunity to be heard by the other, likely in a different way than you’ve communicated previously. It is a conversation where there is no judgment of right or wrong. Mediation is a process that is more art than it is science. The solution will present itself when both sides begin to hear the potential for resolution, the light at the end of the tunnel as it were. This light often comes in stages and during mediation and it is important to celebrate the small wins along the way toward a holistic conclusion. In every mediation, there’s an “ah-ha” moment when one, or sometimes both parties, notice that the focus of the conversation has shifted away from the things that created the situation and has moved toward ideas of what could be possible.

Mediation is a chance to communicate about a future state of a functioning healthy arrangement, like a couple trying to imagine life apart while trying to co-parent or parallel parent under much different circumstances than they once had planned.

A successful Mediation is the immediate term is when all parties effectively communicate, listen and participate in reaching agreement(s). Next, the successful Mediation results in a written agreement between the parties that is filed as necessary to become part of a court order that can be enforced. Finally, a truly special Mediation is one where the solutions agreed to last! They are workable in the participants real day to day lives and also able to flex when necessary as the only thing constant in life, is change.

A mediator helps guide participants along a journey toward a solution that in the end is fully designed by the participants themselves. Specific to our facilitated style of mediation, we continuously try to keep the conversation constructively moving forward. This doesn’t mean solving past problems and it certainly doesn’t mean reliving that which got you to mediation in the first place. Moving forward in mediation means that the parties are talking, and more importantly listening, to ideas about how to move forward. These ideas take time to come about. If it were easy, you wouldn’t be in mediation in the first place. Working past the pain, anger and/or sadness is a difficult process that requires a skilled guide, the mediator, to help you through it. An effective mediator will help keep the focus of the parties moving toward a future state, without dwelling on the past or worse, trying to pretend that what got you here doesn’t exist!

Facilitative mediation isn’t therapy, we’re not trying to fix things or do a root cause analysis. It is not a time to ask why. Mediation is not a time to do discovery and figure out the other side’s approach to litigation. It is not a place where participants will be allowed to hurt the other. It’s not going to be a 60 minute brain storming session.

Yes, all aspects of the Mediation process are confidential. California’s mediation confidentiality laws are laid out in Sections 703.5 and 1115 to 1129, inclusive, of the Evidence Code. These laws establish the confidentiality of mediation and limit the disclosure, admissibility, and a court’s consideration of communication, writings, and conduct in connection with a mediation. A mediator cannot testify in any subsequent civil proceeding about any communication or conduct occurring at, or in connection with, a mediation.

During the mediation process there will be hard conversations about things that are difficult to put into words, memories that hurt to revisit, things that will be said for the N’th time and maybe some things that have never been said before the mediation. A manageable lasting solution will require all parties to talk about the conflict as transparently and as constructively as possible. A talented mediator can candidly yet kindly draw out all the aspects related to your situation and also has the courage to leave no stone unturned in an effort to help the parties create a long-term agreement. You will be challenged to communicate and listen at a very high level for an extended period of time. Come to your mediation rested and ready to participate in creating a solution that you might not even be able to imagine today.

Mediation, a voluntary process. It is not a requirement that participants genuine contribute in good faith. It is also not a ruling, like in an arbitration. There is risk following Mediation if the parties do not memorialize the agreement(s) into a legally binding document filed with a court to create orders for consistency, clarity and enforceability.