It is a process where each side has the opportunity to be heard by the other, in a different way than you’ve communicated previously. It is a conversation where there is no judgment of right or wrong. Mediation is a process that is more art than it is science. A mediator helps guide participants along a journey toward a solution that in the end is fully designed by the participants themselves. The solution will present itself when both sides begin to hear the potential for resolution, the light at the end of the tunnel as it were. This light often comes in stages and during mediation and it is important to celebrate the small wins along the way toward a holistic conclusion. In every mediation, there’s an “ah-ha” moment when one, or sometimes both parties, notice that the focus of the conversation has shifted away from the things that created the situation and has moved toward ideas of what could be possible.

Specific to our facilitated style of mediation, we continuously try to keep the conversation constructively moving forward. This doesn’t mean solving past problems and it certainly doesn’t mean reliving that which got you to mediation in the first place. Moving forward in mediation means that the parties are talking, and more importantly listening, to ideas about how to move forward. These ideas take time to come about – it’s not going to be a 60 minute brain storming session. If it were easy, you wouldn’t be in mediation in the first place. Working past the pain, anger and/or sadness is a difficult process that requires a skilled guide, the mediator, to help you through it.

Facilitative mediation isn’t therapy, we’re not trying to fix things or do a root cause analysis. Mediation is a chance to communicate about a future state of a functioning healthy arrangement. By way of example, picture two business partners that must find a why to work together after a major riff that left them on non-speaking terms? Or imagine a couple with children who must now find a way to raise them under much different circumstances than they once had planned.

During the mediation process there will be hard conversations about things that are difficult to put into words, memories that hurt to revisit, things that will be said for the N’th time and maybe some things that have never been said before the mediation. An effective mediator will help keep the focus of the parties moving toward a future state, without dwelling on the past or worse, trying to pretend that what got you here doesn’t exist! A manageable lasting solution will require all parties to talk about the conflict as transparently as possible. A talented mediator can candidly yet kindly draw out all the aspects related to your situation and also has the courage to leave no stone unturned in an effort to help the parties create a long-term agreement.

Reminder: The mediation, a voluntary process, should later be memorialized into a legally binding agreement or court order for consistency, clarity and enforceability.